The "Ellen's Angels" care group began as an idea of three friends who individually went to Ellen and declared that they wanted to help her live well in spite of her terminal illness. Each of them had learned in different ways about supportive groups of friends that had organized to provide help that often is not available through medical or even family care.
Linda Lee had known Ellen over the years that they were both involved in a Unitarian Fellowship in Indianapolis. Linda had since become a Quaker and learned about such care groups through a Quaker newsletter. Sarah Patterson had been involved for many years with P-Flag, a supportive group of parents and friends of lesbian and gay persons. Sarah had known Ellen for many, many years through their leadership in the Unitarian Fellowship and as parents of small children, then as women in the feminist movement. Royda Crose became close friends with Ellen when she attended the Unitarian Fellowship just after moving to Indianapolis in 1990. They shared many interests and often went out to dinner, the movies, or the theater. Another of Royda's friends had recently participated in a care group to help a cancer patient through her last months of life. When Royda told Ellen about this possibility, she tearfully said, "That is what I want more than anything! Help from my friends."Sarah, Linda, and Royda then set to work to contact all the people that Ellen could think of who might want to help her. Within a week, 12 people showed up for a meeting at Ellen's house. Using the book, "Share the Care," as our basis for organization, we began to figure out how to help our friend live as fully as possible in the face of death.
Only 6 months earlier, though Ellen knew that her cancer had returned, she was afraid to go to the doctor to hear the diagnosis. At that time she was depressed and felt that she was all alone in this struggle. Her depression kept her from calling for help and she was convinced that she had no real friends left. She was worried that her two children, Colleen May and Kevin Kielty, would be burdened with all the responsibility of her care. She was wrong! With a simple invitation to help, friends came from all corners of Ellen's life to get involved. At a second organizational meeting, one week after the first one, 18 people attended.
A weekly support group, organized by Sheree Terheide and based on the principles of attitudinal healing, began meeting in Ellen's home to provide emotional and spiritual support. Bob Blickenstaff began coming every morning to make juice from fresh organic vegetables for Ellen to boost her immune system and keep up her energy levels. Debbie Seal shopped each week to supply her with the freshest foods. Other angels, Kate Lauer, Tom Draper, Ann Wickham, and Ann Foster, among others came for weekly visits to meditate, massage, or plan social outings. A monthly newsletter with an update on Ellen's health status and current needs was written and distributed to all the angels by Kathy Hillerby. Each week one member of the angel group served as the captain, calling Ellen everyday to see what she needed and then finding someone in the group to provide that service, whether it be a ride to the doctor, checking in on her, or spending the night. Colleen, Ellen's daughter, and her husband, Dave, volunteered to move into Ellen's home to provide round the clock companionship and care. Along with their infant son, Patrick, they brought new life to the big house and a rejuvenated will to live to Ellen.
Ellen's Angels began to know and care for each other and to celebrate our lives together in the process of caring for our terminally ill friend. Some of the angels also had significant life events during this time. As a group we grieved the loss of Rise' Friedman's mother and Amy Perry's father and rejoiced in the births of baby girls, born to Colleen and Lorene Wright. We held hope for Ellen in knowing that Vibeke Rasmussen's leukemia had gone into remission. Birthday parties, dances of universal peace, flamenco dance performances, gourmet meals, healing rituals, special trips to Ellen's favorite chapel in the woods, and group participation in the Susan G. Komen Foundation's "Race for the Cure" were planned by the angels. We learned to celebrate life as we prepared for the death of our friend. We grew to savor each moment, to appreciate the little things, and to be transformed by realizing that life is precious and finite.
By the time Ellen died on June 21, 2000, there were over 30 people who were part of the Ellen's Angels group. We have since decided that others should know about the possibility for organizing share the care groups, so Royda has started writing a book about our experience and some of the angels have begun to form a foundation to help other groups get started. All the angels feel like their lives have been enriched and definitely changed as a result of caring for Ellen.
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